On Ivory Tower Reflections...

It’s amazing how wilfully blind I have been!

For a while now I’ve been praying and asking God for a deeper knowledge and understanding of Him.

I had a brief glimpse one day – a glorious moment in the midst of all the chaos – a moment in time when I was given a foretaste of eternity...drenched in His love, I was overwhelmed by the utter beauty, breathless at His awesome glory, broken by the depth of His love...This was Love – pure and holy...poured out on me...

But that was one afternoon. Life would be so amazing if I had experiences like that every day. Yet, even as the thought crossed my mind, I knew it wasn’t meant to happen. That glimpse that I was privileged to enjoy was an experience I will always treasure, but it was just that – an experience.

Of course that didn’t stop me asking Him for more! The reply was painfully realistic –

“... your father ... judged (defended) the cause of the poor and needy... Was not this knowing Me?” says the Lord.” *

Instead of allowing me to remain in an ecstatic, euphoric bubble, He was bringing me down to ground reality. And He showed me that this is what it meant to really know Him – to love as He loves those whom I would rather ignore. Loving them, not just putting a salve on my conscience by giving some money to charity, but loving them as I experienced it that day – being drenched in His love, heady with joy, overwhelmed at being loved so deeply!

I had to ask myself some uncomfortable questions.

Have I ever given myself for another with such abandon?

Have I ever spared a thought for the people walking down the street?

Have I ever truly loved anyone beside myself?!

So once again the rose-tinted glasses were wrenched off...and with such a vengeance! When He commanded, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbour as yourself” ** I had always (very conveniently) placed emphasis on (and remembered) the first part. It was fairly do-able, after all. This was between Him and me. It was comfortable and relational, because I knew He loved me.

The loving my neighbour bit, I’d wilfully chosen to ignore! I justified my selfishness with such props – “I give so much to charity” or “I’m generally a nice person...I’m helpful (when I can) and thoughtful (sometimes)” or the most infamous one “If someone came to me and asked for help, I will definitely do it!” I’d coldly placed the onus on some vague “neighbour” out there, who would come to me when he/she was in need!

It was a revelation to realise how I’d lived with blinkers for so long! My paltry efforts at “loving” couldn’t even be held up beside the One who is Love!

My Father then taught me a little more. He allowed me to experience, again for a moment, His indescribable love and this time, along with it, came a sense of deep sorrow. He turned my focus away from myself to all of humanity – the maid in my house, the beggar on the road, the teacher at school, the watchman at the gate, the shopkeeper in the store around the corner – every single one of them He has loved and continues to love so deeply. And He feels such unutterable pain and grief when none of them even recognise Him. I thought about all the times when I’d turned to Him and He had come running to meet me – and here I was keeping this knowledge to myself! How selfish, blind and callous!

After some soul-searching, I was brought to realise that the only way these folks would be able to understand the Father’s love was if they experienced it first-hand.

So I am in the process of breaking down my ivory tower, climbing out and getting in there – living alongside these God-given neighbours. Not just sporadically dumping gifts on them, but rather becoming their friend, living, walking, understanding and accompanying them as we all tread this road...loving them with complete abandon as I have been loved!

* Jeremiah 22:15, 16

** Luke 10:27