On Phases...

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It’s been a while since I put pen to paper, figuratively speaking of course. What I mean is that it has been a while since I opened my heart to delve into my thoughts and feelings and lay them on display. And, not surprisingly, the words seem to be getting stuck in my throat. When you’re going through a phase; well, it’s hard to know that you are, for one! But when you’re finally out of it (you hope!) and you look back – there’s always the million dollar question – “What on earth happened?” The answer seems to be shrouded in vagueness, so I shall let that be for the moment.

However, ‘moving on’, isn’t very palatable either! It’s like someone handed me a mirror and I don’t like the person staring back at me. I’m not sure if I’m going through a maturity cycle or if I’ve just turned into a horrible caricature of myself! There’s a hard shell of cynicism around me and I’m finding it difficult to feel, to love, to enjoy, to hope. The negativity seems to be seeping into my being through every pore!

So I fall on my knees before Him who knows all and cry –

“When I no more can stir my soul to move,
…When I can but remember that my heart
Once used to live and love, long and aspire –
Oh, be Thou then…the calling…
And in me wake hope, fear, boundless desire.”*

* George MacDonald

Comments

roshynphina said…
Tangled these thoughts are that come from within, and confused they sound when they are breathed out... but a calmness seeps when its flushed out, cause there is a light far above this all.
24 January 2011 at 02:44
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