inkhorn

Father, I realise now that every experience I go through is Your plan and perfect will for me. You are working on me. Knocking a chip off, here; smoothing a rough edge there. I am your unique design, being moulded for a specific purpose. Well, two actually! One, here on earth – to fulfil what You have already prepared for me to do from before time - “ For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” * And, two, to eventually be “fitted together” – laid between other stones, to build Your home. Lord, when I see my life in terms of eternity, I know I am just a tiny thread in the beautiful tapestry that You are weaving; and I am humbled. I now see that You are preparing me to fit perfectly! “...Jesus Christ Himself being the chief cornerstone,   in whom the whole building, being fitted together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord, in whom you also are being built together for a dwellin...

Three years ago, today, around eleven-thirty, you pledged your love to me, before God and family. Three years ago, today, around half-past three, you and I, waved everyone goodbye, then played a game of TT! * Three years ago, today, around seven in the evening, we had some soup and some chicken wings, and watched some TV. ** Three years, today, my love, I can’t believe how they’ve flown, And the joy of being with you, has only grown. Three years behind us And, ahead, all of eternity; and all I can think about, is God answering all my prayers, and giving you to me! -          R. D. P. * True story! ** Again, true story!

Father, I realise that I am so inadequate. So unworthy of all that You have promised. And I know it is not about me. It is Your grace. You who are to be glorified. All I can say is Thank You, Lord... Please, may I desire You and You alone. “I am thy shield, and thy exceeding great reward.” Could heart wish more than this, O Lord, My Lord? -          Ruth Bell Graham

Taken from Amy Carmichael’s His Thoughts Said...His Father Said... – “His thoughts said, “The way is rough.”             His Father said, “But every step bringeth thee nearer to thy Home.” His thoughts said, “The fight is fierce.”             His Father said, “He who is near to his Captain is sure to be a target for the archers.” His thoughts said, “The night is long.”             His Father said, “But joy cometh in the morning.” * * Psalm 30:5

Like a shadow declining Swiftly away...away... Like the dew of the morning Gone with the heat of the day; Like the wind in the treetops, Like a wave of the sea, So are our lives on earth when seen In the light of eternity. -           Ruth Bell Graham Over the last few months, one thing I’ve realised is that I can never take life for granted. Life – living – it’s all so ephemeral. Here today and gone tomorrow. Nothing is set in stone. Nothing lasts forever. Least of all, life. But through the uncertainty of today, there is hope. The future is sure. It is secure. As simple as it may be, the knowledge is a balm. That this isn’t it. We will see him again. Heaven is not a dreamt-up sop for grieving folks, but a reality. An absolute. Which makes living worthwhile. “...He has put eternity in (our) hearts...”   * * Ecclesiastes 3:11

“Then a dispute arose among them as to which of them would be greatest.   And Jesus, perceive(d) the thought of their heart .” * A part of me always despised the disciples for arguing about who was the greatest. What a childish, ridiculous debate. Men! Trust them to be fighting about some non-issue. Such big egos. Which sensible person would wrangle saying, “I am the greatest.” Well that was my condescending attitude until I saw them in a new light. It was contended that we are all surprisingly/ shockingly similar to the disciples in that we compare ourselves to each other. Talk about being douched in cold water! I cannot even begin to count the number of times I look at someone and mentally decide, “Oh I’d never do that” or “I’m better in that sense” or even, “Oh no, he/she is so much more thoughtful/spiritual/good-looking, etc than I could ever be.” Innumerable times I’ve mentally compared – I vs. Mr. /Ms. X. Sub-consciously tallying the results – who is bet...

The cast is off! Yay! Now just some painful physiotherapy to get through and I should be good. It seems so strange to feel the floor beneath my foot. To even see my foot after it being in plaster for so long! To learn to turn my ankle. To learn to balance on both feet again, rather than one foot and a walker! To walk even! Lots of things to get used to. 

Aches and pains, Fears and cares; Some real, Some hidden, Most, not even there. Burdened by this life; I need some respite. I remember him; With a little envy perhaps. He’s cut loose, He’s free! Why him And not me? Understanding, I don’t claim; Nor any clarity. Where to, from here, Lord? I’m tired, help me. -           R. D. P.

I heard a song a while back. The words are given below. And it got me thinking. We pray for blessings We pray for peace Comfort for family, protection while we sleep We pray for healing, for prosperity We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering All the while, You hear each spoken need Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things 'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops What if Your healing comes through tears What if a thousand sleepless nights   Are what it takes to know You’re near What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise We pray for wisdom Your voice to hear And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love As if every promise from Your Word is not enough All the while, You hear each desperate plea And long that we'd have faith to believe When friends betray us When darkness seems to win We know that pain reminds this heart That this is not, this is not our hom...

How should I react to hurting statements? Should I just accept them as another person’s perspective and let it go? What gives me the right to decide that my understanding of a particular circumstance is the right one and the other is flawed? Does that, in actual fact, mean that the other person has the right understanding and me, the jaundiced? I don’t know. As much as negative comments hurt, help me Lord to remember – it’s not about me. 

“Calm me, O Lord, as You stilled the storm, Still me, O Lord, keep me from harm, Let all the tumult within me cease, Enfold me, Lord, in You peace.” -           Celtic Traditional So being confined to the bed with a broken ankle can be very illuminating in many aspects. In terms of experiencing enforced rest for one. Also being treated like a queen helps, no end! Apart from the usual cribbing and discomfort, the past four weeks have been fun too. (Yes, I did say ‘fun’ and I have not lost my marbles!) MD, long-sufferingly, has been waiting on me hand and foot and making me innumerable cups of tea! (Yes, he is a sweetheart and I love him very much!) Apart from all that, it’s also given me time to just chill (to borrow from a young cousin’s vocabulary!) with God. By no means have the winds died down. There are still times when I just want to throw it all up. But since I can’t walk off anywhere (literally!), it’s helped ...

It’s a very interesting experience – peering ahead into the darkness, not knowing how the road ahead is going to be – bumpy or smooth, filled with pot-holes, having adequate road signs and rest stops? (Yes, my questions are endless, but I’m thankful He hasn’t given up on me!) Mary Gardiner Brainard said, “I would rather walk with God in the dark than go alone in the light.” After all my ruminating, my questions and my doubts, I’ve realised that I agree! My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end... But I believe that the desire to please You does In fact please You. And I hope I have that desire In all that I am doing. I hope that I will never Do anything apart from that desire. And I know That if I do this, You will lead me by the right road Though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust You always though I may Seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I wil...

“I heard you in the secret place of the storm. In the secret place among the unspoken things, there am I.”* So I’d reached the point of no return. In the silence, stripped of all platitudes, finally it was just Him and I. No pretence. No highfalutin nonsense. Just the plain truth. He listened patiently as I, through tears and heartbrokenness, poured out all my fears, complaints and inabilities to Him. I told Him it was too much. I couldn’t go on. “What is your ultimate desire?” He asked in infinite kindness. “I don’t know,” was my miserable reply. And then, He lifted the veil from my eyes and I finally understood what was paralyzing me – the fear of the unknown. “But I’m scared Lord.” I justified, angrily. “I’m afraid of the road You’ve prepared for me. I’m scared it’s going to get more painful as I continue walking. I don’t know what worse “surprises” lie ahead!” Yet, even as I said it I saw that my resistance was filling me with dread and hopelessnes...

One of the things that changed over the past few months was the way I saw God. Up till this moment, my faith in Him had been unshaken. Even in times of testing, I’d always had the underlying belief that God would be good to me. “Good” obviously, as I saw “goodness” – with things going my way and I (and those around me) being happy. Even through the pain of losing a loved one, I could see some measure of His goodness. Glimpses of His strength and grace that were sustaining us all. But as the hits kept coming, one after another, my grasp on the Light began to slip and as darkness began to crowd in, I felt, for the first time, fear. I was afraid of God. Afraid of His omniscience and omnipotence. Afraid to ask Him for a reprieve because I didn’t know what would come my way. Afraid of Him – cause He, who stated He loved me with an everlasting love, was suddenly, inexplicably, terrifying in His coldness. I didn’t understand Him anymore. He seemed remote and aloof; implacable in His cr...

Through the lows, I’ve gone from one random thought to the next. Emotions and feelings swinging wildly like a pendulum, but always in silence. There is no love. No desire to serve. No hope. Only a foolish longing for things to go back to the way they were. Followed, unfailingly, by the guilt, for allowing the self-pity to weaken. So despicable in its selfishness. Dealing with fears and doubts leads to an isolated, lonely existence, I’ve learned. I do not claim to have the answers. Just that there have been moments of clarity that have lifted the fog of confusion. Moments when I realise that I’m not struggling on my own. Thank you, Lord! The growing darkness closes in Like some thick fog, Engulfing me – A creeping horror – Till I learned, “the darkness hideth not From Thee.” ...As in a darkened room One knows – Knows without sight – Another there, So, in the darkness, Sure I knew Thy presence, And the cold despair, Formless and chaotic, merged ...

So, over the past few months, my life can ideally be termed as “a series of unfortunate events”. My life’s been turned upside down in ways I never even dreamed possible. The only definite understanding I can take away from all this is that life will never be the same again. With regard to one specific event, I know I cannot even begin to understand or feel what MD is going through. I tried to empathise, but every time, my heart tightened up and there was so much pain; a lump in my throat that refused to go away and eyes that hurt from the tears that refused to fall. It was heartbreaking. Needless to say, I’ve had loads of questions. I can’t make sense of the agony. So unnecessary. Why? Hammering over and over in my head – why? Why? Why? All that I’ve read and believed, didn’t really make much sense. I felt completely lost, groping in the dark, trying to find light and meaning. Then several things worked together for my good! Reading Ruth Bell Graham’s Collected Poems for one! Lo...