On Trying To Make Sense...

So, over the past few months, my life can ideally be termed as “a series of unfortunate events”. My life’s been turned upside down in ways I never even dreamed possible. The only definite understanding I can take away from all this is that life will never be the same again.

With regard to one specific event, I know I cannot even begin to understand or feel what MD is going through. I tried to empathise, but every time, my heart tightened up and there was so much pain; a lump in my throat that refused to go away and eyes that hurt from the tears that refused to fall. It was heartbreaking.

Needless to say, I’ve had loads of questions. I can’t make sense of the agony. So unnecessary. Why? Hammering over and over in my head – why? Why? Why?

All that I’ve read and believed, didn’t really make much sense. I felt completely lost, groping in the dark, trying to find light and meaning.

Then several things worked together for my good! Reading Ruth Bell Graham’s Collected Poems for one!

Lord, when my soul is weary

And my heart is tired and sore,

And I have that failing feeling

That I can’t take anymore;

Then let me know the freshening

Found in simple, childlike prayer,

When the kneeling soul knows surely

That a listening Lord is there.

And at that moment, it was enough. To know that though there was darkness and confusion and doubt, there still was One who heard and knew and understood.