inkhorn

It’s a very interesting experience – peering ahead into the darkness, not knowing how the road ahead is going to be – bumpy or smooth, filled with pot-holes, having adequate road signs and rest stops? (Yes, my questions are endless, but I’m thankful He hasn’t given up on me!) Mary Gardiner Brainard said, “I would rather walk with God in the dark than go alone in the light.” After all my ruminating, my questions and my doubts, I’ve realised that I agree! My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end... But I believe that the desire to please You does In fact please You. And I hope I have that desire In all that I am doing. I hope that I will never Do anything apart from that desire. And I know That if I do this, You will lead me by the right road Though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust You always though I may Seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I wil...

Through the lows, I’ve gone from one random thought to the next. Emotions and feelings swinging wildly like a pendulum, but always in silence. There is no love. No desire to serve. No hope. Only a foolish longing for things to go back to the way they were. Followed, unfailingly, by the guilt, for allowing the self-pity to weaken. So despicable in its selfishness. Dealing with fears and doubts leads to an isolated, lonely existence, I’ve learned. I do not claim to have the answers. Just that there have been moments of clarity that have lifted the fog of confusion. Moments when I realise that I’m not struggling on my own. Thank you, Lord! The growing darkness closes in Like some thick fog, Engulfing me – A creeping horror – Till I learned, “the darkness hideth not From Thee.” ...As in a darkened room One knows – Knows without sight – Another there, So, in the darkness, Sure I knew Thy presence, And the cold despair, Formless and chaotic, merged ...