inkhorn

Faced by rock, impregnable, cold, I claw and clamour, wondering - 'Where do I even begin looking for hope?' At the door, are despair and anguish; So I clutch at straws - 'He has promised after all, can it get worse?' Finally, in desperation, I clench the Word, staring blankly, eyes clouded, by misery. Until! A phrase, stands up and shouts - “...God is the strength of my heart...”* - my heart ;  not  body,  mind,  or  spirit.  (Though He is  all that too!) Just the salve, my sore self needed, to ease the hurt and pain. Rest finally enfolds me and peace enters - He is “...the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”* Oh bliss!                          ...

“Calm me, O Lord, as You stilled the storm, Still me, O Lord, keep me from harm, Let all the tumult within me cease, Enfold me, Lord, in You peace.” -           Celtic Traditional So being confined to the bed with a broken ankle can be very illuminating in many aspects. In terms of experiencing enforced rest for one. Also being treated like a queen helps, no end! Apart from the usual cribbing and discomfort, the past four weeks have been fun too. (Yes, I did say ‘fun’ and I have not lost my marbles!) MD, long-sufferingly, has been waiting on me hand and foot and making me innumerable cups of tea! (Yes, he is a sweetheart and I love him very much!) Apart from all that, it’s also given me time to just chill (to borrow from a young cousin’s vocabulary!) with God. By no means have the winds died down. There are still times when I just want to throw it all up. But since I can’t walk off anywhere (literally!), it’s helped ...

Lately, I’ve witnessed several circumstances that didn’t really make sense. It was the age-old question – “Where is God when good people suffer?” Brought home all the more clearly when someone close to you is being put through the wringer! So where was He in all the confusion, chaos and pain? Why didn’t He step in and change their situation? Surprisingly, it was only I, on the outside, who was plagued by these questions. Those in turmoil had a deep joy and strength that was and is carrying them through. A peace that truly passes all understanding! They seemed to be having a closer walk with the Father. It was amazing that they were handling things so well, but as I looked on, I still wondered... I knew He is a good God, but... I knew He is faithful, but... I knew I should trust Him, but... And the list went on. Until He stopped my train of thought and said, “That’s where faith comes in.” As someone so clearly declared, “Faith is not an effort, a striving, a ceaseless seeking, as ...

I look not back: God sees the fruitless efforts, The wasted hours, the sinning and regrets; I leave them all with Him who blots the record, And graciously forgives and then forgets. I look not forward, God sees all the future, The road that long, or short, will lead me home. And He will face with me each trial And bear with me the burden that may come. But I look up, up to the face of Jesus: For there my heart can rest, my fears are stilled And there is joy and love and light for darkness And perfect peace and every hope fulfilled.     - Anonymous, sent to the charity Through The Roof

Some pieces of verse that have stirred my soul lately – Sometimes, hard-trying, it seems I cannot pray – For doubt, and pain, and anger, and all strife. Yet some poor half-fledged prayer-bird from the nest May fall, flit, fly and perch – crouch in the bowery breast Of the large…tree of life – Moveless there sit through all the burning day, And on my heart at night a fresh leaf cooling lay. ~x~ Doubt swells and surges, with swelling doubt behind! My soul in storm is but a tattered sail, Streaming its ribbons on the torrent gale; In calm, ‘tis but a limp and flapping thing: Oh! Swell it with thy breath; make it a wing – To sweep through thee the ocean, with thee the wind Nor rest until in thee its haven it shall find. ~x~ I to myself have neither power nor worth, Patience nor love, nor anything right good; My soul is a poor land, plenteous in dearth – Here blades of grass, there a small herb for food – A nothing that would be something if it could; But if obedience, Lord, in me do ...

It was a lovely day – a mere 24 hours, but a lifetime of memories – stolen out of our everyday routine. A day of laughter, of enjoying each other’s company, of finding joy in that most mundane of things – grocery shopping! Of watching an old movie together and chuckling at Cary Grant’s antics; of talking philosophy and apologetics and re-experiencing, with delight, the pleasure of finding someone on the same wavelength; of catching each other’s eyes across the room and sharing that silent smile; of seeing our prayers answered as we spent time together with our Father; of lying in each other’s arms, content and at rest. It’s days like these that give us the strength to meet the rest.