inkhorn

Frankly, I am not enjoying this process! Fear has not been conquered and worry has not been vanquished. My immediate reaction was to unworthily fling back my Father’s love in His face and weep uncontrollably. I find that this lack of control over my life has left me demoralized. I am an easy prey to the most stupid thoughts. And perhaps, not knowing in my lifetime, is too hard a price. I want to rail against the unfairness of it all. But Lord, as I stand, smack in the middle of another storm, the saving grace is that You are with me. For the moment, that is enough.

So I stand at the threshold of another crossroad. And I find myself struggling with this new avenue. I want to jump up and fight for my rights. I’m fearful of the future. Worst case scenarios crowd my mind and I feel life slipping out of my control. Fear and anger take over and I righteously claim mine. I’m protecting what belongs to me – so I can’t be wrong, right? Then why is there no peace? Only fear and worry? “Lord”, I pray, half-heartedly. “Why are You asking me to do this? It’s unfair!” Deep down, I don’t really want any answers. Just a good fight and a chance to claim my just dues and be proved right! But thankfully He loves me too much to leave me in misery. “ Seek Me and live *,” He said. “How Lord,” I cried. “What should I do?” So He led me to this passage from the book Gold By Moonlight by Amy Carmichael. Based on the verse below, this is what she writes – “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in t...

Fear and Worry – that two-headed monster that rears its ghastly head periodically – was at it again. It’s sibling, Doubt, flit in as well, to add to the party! And as frustrating as it was for me to wage this never-ending battle to subdue them, I wondered how frustrating it must be for God to watch me! Here I was – well-fed, well-dressed and well-read – with a loving family and friends. Yet, even in all that I usually managed to unearth some issue to worry myself silly about. (I think I have a special gift!) So, as Faith took a beating, I tottered and wondered, “I know I should trust God. Rejoice and praise Him for every situation. But the future seems so scary sometimes!” And then I had an epiphany! I realised I was back on the wheelbarrow! I don’t think I ever got off, in the first place! And my Father gently reminded me (oh the patience He has with me!) “The Lord…has sworn, saying, “Surely, as I have thought, so it shall come to pass, And as I have purposed, so it shall stan...