inkhorn

“I heard you in the secret place of the storm. In the secret place among the unspoken things, there am I.”* So I’d reached the point of no return. In the silence, stripped of all platitudes, finally it was just Him and I. No pretence. No highfalutin nonsense. Just the plain truth. He listened patiently as I, through tears and heartbrokenness, poured out all my fears, complaints and inabilities to Him. I told Him it was too much. I couldn’t go on. “What is your ultimate desire?” He asked in infinite kindness. “I don’t know,” was my miserable reply. And then, He lifted the veil from my eyes and I finally understood what was paralyzing me – the fear of the unknown. “But I’m scared Lord.” I justified, angrily. “I’m afraid of the road You’ve prepared for me. I’m scared it’s going to get more painful as I continue walking. I don’t know what worse “surprises” lie ahead!” Yet, even as I said it I saw that my resistance was filling me with dread and hopelessnes...

“Let us then labour for an inward stillness – An inward stillness and an inward healing; That perfect silence, where the lips and heart Are still, and we no longer entertain Our own imperfect thoughts and vain opinions, But God alone speaks in us, and we wait In singleness of heart, that we may know His will, and in the silence of our spirits That we may do His will, and do that only.”                                                               - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“It’s the set of the sail and not the gales that determine which way they (the sailboats) go.” * The line grabbed my imagination today. It paints a picture of a little sailboat out on the high seas. In the vastness of the ocean, the only sure sense of direction would come from the sail being set according to course. Otherwise the boat might just end up right where it started! Over the last few days I have been struggling with worries about the future, wrong attitudes and basically a lack of control! I’d forgotten where I was headed – the set of my sail! If I just set it to hold course according to His will, then everything would be so much simpler. I am safe, with Him . Instead, I’ve been going round and round in circles, allowing various squalls to blow me off course. Anyway, it’s not too late; I am on a journey and its time I got back on course. * From The Hand Of God by Alastair Begg 

Personally, I’ve never actually seen a chicken without a head, but having witnessed its counterpart (with its head firmly on), squawking and flapping at the least provocation, I can empathise with it perfectly! You can mouth platitudes and imagine that you really believe them – until life hits you in the face and then you end up like the aforementioned chicken! Well, I was anyway. And “was” being the operative word, I find myself writing this. They say you’ll know that you are obeying God and doing His will when you feel peace. So, what happens if I don’t? I mean, do honest questions and doubts reflect a lack of peace and hence, not being in God’s will? What is “peace”? And much more basic, how will I know God’s will? I mean, what if I miss hearing His voice? Like when I’m reading the Bible and I overlook a verse, which would have shown me clearly what I had to do! I know I will obey Him – but what if I don’t even know what to do? (This was all part of my headless chicken routine!)...