inkhorn

Faced by rock, impregnable, cold, I claw and clamour, wondering - 'Where do I even begin looking for hope?' At the door, are despair and anguish; So I clutch at straws - 'He has promised after all, can it get worse?' Finally, in desperation, I clench the Word, staring blankly, eyes clouded, by misery. Until! A phrase, stands up and shouts - “...God is the strength of my heart...”* - my heart ;  not  body,  mind,  or  spirit.  (Though He is  all that too!) Just the salve, my sore self needed, to ease the hurt and pain. Rest finally enfolds me and peace enters - He is “...the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”* Oh bliss!                          ...

Lately, I’ve witnessed several circumstances that didn’t really make sense. It was the age-old question – “Where is God when good people suffer?” Brought home all the more clearly when someone close to you is being put through the wringer! So where was He in all the confusion, chaos and pain? Why didn’t He step in and change their situation? Surprisingly, it was only I, on the outside, who was plagued by these questions. Those in turmoil had a deep joy and strength that was and is carrying them through. A peace that truly passes all understanding! They seemed to be having a closer walk with the Father. It was amazing that they were handling things so well, but as I looked on, I still wondered... I knew He is a good God, but... I knew He is faithful, but... I knew I should trust Him, but... And the list went on. Until He stopped my train of thought and said, “That’s where faith comes in.” As someone so clearly declared, “Faith is not an effort, a striving, a ceaseless seeking, as ...

I always believed that Poetry inhabited the realm of the indecipherable, until, that is, I stumbled upon Ruth Bell Graham’s poems. Like a veil being pulled aside, my mind and soul were suddenly flooded with the wild imaginings, the tug of the heartstrings and the plethora of emotion that only poetry can unlock! However many times you read the same lines, you can always take away something new from it. The words themselves reveal a life lived to the fullest; with insight that pierces straight to the core of your very being. So in my quest to discern and describe the stage my soul is in, I unearthed a veritable gem of a tome. And here's a bite to chew on... “I will lift up mine eyes to the hills;”* and when I fly I will lift up my eyes instead to the sky; it is the same sure, certain thing – this quiet lifting up, remembering… I leave myself awhile to let my thoughts explore all He has made and More; returning to my small load at length, calm, reassured: this is my strength.  ...

I used to think I needed endurance to run the race and always saw it in terms of the strength to persevere in the face of pain, problems and trials. But I find that I need special grace and a double measure of endurance when the going is hunky dory so to speak! Life is good, I have so many blessings and in this cocoon of comfort I find my closeness with my Father slipping. It gets harder to find time to spend in prayer, harder to meditate on His Word and harder to sit in His Presence and just be. Sometimes I would rather have the pain and problems of affliction because then I go in search of Him with a sincere heart! It’s so easy to become comfortable, read lukewarm! And that’s the worst place to be spiritually or otherwise! As the author of Hebrews says, “…let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith…” * The clue here is to look to Jesus – whether the going is rough or smooth. Especially when it’s smooth! ...

“…recall the former days in which…you endured a great struggle with sufferings…therefore do not cast away your confidence…for you have need of endurance…” * Endurance – a key ingredient in a Christian’s life, and one that I find myself grasping for. Over the past few months, it has become my fervent desire that I might have the endurance to bear everything that comes my way. Endurance – the word paints a scene of quiet strength, implacability and patience. Oh how I long for it from the depths of my soul! The past few months have also made me privy to certain unprepossessing facts about myself. I have realised that I can give up very easily. When faced with life’s uncertainties, I can lose my confidence and trust. Lack of knowledge of what the future holds, makes me wonder how, and whether, I’m going to make it. I question myself and God – how long must I wait? How much longer is this trial going to last? And recently, I’ve wondered, if I (or my family) were threatened, would I give...

So what does a spy do? To my (frankly Alistair-Maclean-James-Bond-ish) knowledge, a spy is a person who gathers facts and useful information regarding an enemy and reports it to his superiors. So going by that, the spies Moses sent, did a pretty good job. They were asked to gather specifics – which they did. In truth, they went a step further and brought along some fruity proof as well! Speaks a lot for their initiative. Listen to their report – “…the land…truly flows with milk and honey…the people are strong; the cities are fortified and very large…the Amalekites dwell in the…South; the Hittites, the Jebusites and the Amorites dwell in the mountains; and the Canaanites dwell by the sea and along the banks of the Jordan.” Top marks on the spying job wouldn’t you say? They had their facts straight and were logical, reasonable and rational. However, Caleb’s impassioned appeal to go up at once and take possession of the land was met with a lukewarm response. Logic and cold, hard reas...