inkhorn

What a year 2015 is turning out to be! The CP is turning one, MD is facing slander and office politics on a personal level and on the home front – yikes! What a gargantuan mess! I'm not even asking “why” any more. Just – Lord, what good is this going to bring? I mean, apart from the CP turning one, which is grand! The future looks like there's only more hurt and heartache in store. I know He has a plan. I honestly don't see it, but I'm believing it. I know in this world we will have troubles. So right now I'm praying for strength in the face of pain, love in the face of injustice and hope in the face of bleakness. I'm taking heart for He has overcome the world.* *John 16:33

Faced by rock, impregnable, cold, I claw and clamour, wondering - 'Where do I even begin looking for hope?' At the door, are despair and anguish; So I clutch at straws - 'He has promised after all, can it get worse?' Finally, in desperation, I clench the Word, staring blankly, eyes clouded, by misery. Until! A phrase, stands up and shouts - “...God is the strength of my heart...”* - my heart ;  not  body,  mind,  or  spirit.  (Though He is  all that too!) Just the salve, my sore self needed, to ease the hurt and pain. Rest finally enfolds me and peace enters - He is “...the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”* Oh bliss!                          ...

Dear Lord, It is so easy to sit in judgement on somebody else. So easy to point out their follies and foibles. So easy to tell them what they need to be doing right. But when Truth hits home, it’s a bitter pill to swallow. Forgive me for my petty complaints and ranting. I love You for patiently listening to all of that and not condemning me to hell-fire forthwith! Lord, please change my heart. Change my attitude. All the wrong thinking that plagues me. The negativity that undermines my belief and faith in You. Transform my ways, my thinking. Strengthen me please. Amen

It’s been a while since I put pen to paper, figuratively speaking of course. What I mean is that it has been a while since I opened my heart to delve into my thoughts and feelings and lay them on display. And, not surprisingly, the words seem to be getting stuck in my throat. When you’re going through a phase; well, it’s hard to know that you are, for one! But when you’re finally out of it (you hope!) and you look back – there’s always the million dollar question – “What on earth happened?” The answer seems to be shrouded in vagueness, so I shall let that be for the moment. However, ‘moving on’, isn’t very palatable either! It’s like someone handed me a mirror and I don’t like the person staring back at me. I’m not sure if I’m going through a maturity cycle or if I’ve just turned into a horrible caricature of myself! There’s a hard shell of cynicism around me and I’m finding it difficult to feel, to love, to enjoy, to hope. The negativity seems to be seeping into my being through eve...

I stand at the little church, Beneath a benign arch. The music gently beckons, As I take a moment to quiet My fluttering heart, And wonder – There is a higher calling; Am I really prepared? With bowed head, I Wing a prayer heavenward, And lift my eyes to see, Beyond a sea Of dear faces – encouraging, congratulating – Yours, the dearest of them all. He led me to you; So clearly, So beautifully. And as I walk down this well-worn aisle, He leads me again. As we pledge our lives together, Affirming words that are age-worn, yet Beautiful in their simplicity, I see your love mirrored in your eyes And know that mine must reflect them too. “My heart is stilled to perfect rest” He is here; With us. There is a higher calling – true. And that is the reason He brought us together. With me beside you, We are prepared. Life stretches before us, Filled with its own challenges. And as I place my hand In yours, I know That the word He gave Me, is true – “Two ar...

The thing about friendship – you really leave yourself defenceless. And it’s hard when you find yourself in such a position – especially when you’ve placed yourself there deliberately! It’s much easier to barricade yourself behind the armour of a dry-tongued, carefree attitude. But once you let your guard down and let someone in! Boy, that’s when you find yourself quivering in the harsh cold! One word can make all the difference between delight and despair. And I find myself wondering – is it worth it? The lack of protection, the unguarded heart, the sleepless nights and the question-filled days. Yet, all that is offset by the single word that can truly lift you up to the skies – maybe it’s worth it after all!

I waited for you beside the waters But you did not come. And as I gazed at my reflection, I saw the quiet surface, Ripple and furl. Sunlight that had danced his way Through the billows, Now hid himself, Shying away from what the waters showed – me! The still waters turned choppy And I, lone and cold, Waited for you But you did not come. I ranted and raved, And ordered Him to tell you to come. I was waiting after all. Was it so unfair what I asked? In the silence, And the cold, With only the North wind for company, I finally knelt, Too spent to weep, And gave Him what I’d been holding Tightly to my heart – you. The wind died and The waters stilled. And I saw my watery visage again. The sunlight deigned to grace me With his presence, This time! It dawned on me I had been placing the wrong order. He was leading me to you Not the other way round! So I have begun to walk. Along the green pastures, And beside the still waters; Sometimes dark valleys...