inkhorn

Frankly, I am not enjoying this process! Fear has not been conquered and worry has not been vanquished. My immediate reaction was to unworthily fling back my Father’s love in His face and weep uncontrollably. I find that this lack of control over my life has left me demoralized. I am an easy prey to the most stupid thoughts. And perhaps, not knowing in my lifetime, is too hard a price. I want to rail against the unfairness of it all. But Lord, as I stand, smack in the middle of another storm, the saving grace is that You are with me. For the moment, that is enough.

Father, I realise that I am so inadequate. So unworthy of all that You have promised. And I know it is not about me. It is Your grace. You who are to be glorified. All I can say is Thank You, Lord... Please, may I desire You and You alone. “I am thy shield, and thy exceeding great reward.” Could heart wish more than this, O Lord, My Lord? -          Ruth Bell Graham

So I asked for joy and He poured out His love on me! Salvation is all about Him! As my earthly father explained all that my heavenly Father had done, all I could do was gaze on Him in wonder. It did not suffice that He sent Jesus to die for me, but He comes to meet me at my level, reaching out to me, endowing me with righteousness, each day. Now I understand what Jeremiah meant when he said that His mercies are new every morning! * And all that He asks in return is Trust. And I fail even to do that! When the Devil presents a different view (read lie!), I believe him and abandon confidence in God so quickly. Every day I have a choice – to believe a lie and live in doubt or to believe my Father and live by Faith! Oh how can I not? The very fact that I can now stand before Him is a gift; a symbol of His love, which He has lavished on me. I whisper “Thank you”, but it is so inadequate. Grace, unmerited, enfolds me close and tears, unbeckoned, awash my soul. “I do not deserve Thee,...

I had thought there must be some redeeming quality in me. Some talent or ability that made me useful to God, my family and society; that provided a reason for my very existence. Yet as I read Paul’s second epistle to the Corinthians, a different idea was pushed into my consciousness. “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God.” In a way, this is connected with my acceptance of His grace. It took me a while to acknowledge my complete and absolute unworthiness and realise that He loved me inspite of it. Unbelievable but true! But admitting that my sufficiency – all I am and who I wanted to be – was only in Christ, went a step further. I’d never understood what the nailing of the self meant, till I saw this verse with new eyes. I had accepted the fact of my unworthiness but it didn’t stop there. Some painful digging into my soul had to be done till I realised that my sense of self-worth came in believing tha...