inkhorn

A friend of mine recently experienced a heart-breaking tragedy. As numb with shock as I was, I can barely begin to imagine her pain. In that instant I wished I could wrap my arms tight around her and weep. Yet, unable to be at her side, I just wept, my heart breaking for all that she was going through. Of course the “whys” came. And no answer that made any semblance of sense. All I could do was pray. But what to pray for at such a time? Wishing it had never happened? I don’t have any answers for the “whys”. They still rattle around in my head. But in all the confusion, pain and grief, as the world spins around crazily, there is One Constant. So though there is anger and bewilderment, I can only hold on to Him until the world rights itself. The future is a blank without a view. That which I wanted most, You have denied; I cannot understand (and I have tried); There’s nothing I can do but wait on You.                   ...

Faced by rock, impregnable, cold, I claw and clamour, wondering - 'Where do I even begin looking for hope?' At the door, are despair and anguish; So I clutch at straws - 'He has promised after all, can it get worse?' Finally, in desperation, I clench the Word, staring blankly, eyes clouded, by misery. Until! A phrase, stands up and shouts - “...God is the strength of my heart...”* - my heart ;  not  body,  mind,  or  spirit.  (Though He is  all that too!) Just the salve, my sore self needed, to ease the hurt and pain. Rest finally enfolds me and peace enters - He is “...the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”* Oh bliss!                          ...

The Psalmist said something very profound – “You have put gladness in my heart, more than in the season that their grain and wine increased.”* Perspective from the other side. There is joy (of course) when things are good; when folks are fine and life is cruising, all sunshine and roses. But to have joy, in the midst of pain, is to either be delusional or been bestowed a divine gift. I choose the later. *Psalms 4:7

Aches and pains, Fears and cares; Some real, Some hidden, Most, not even there. Burdened by this life; I need some respite. I remember him; With a little envy perhaps. He’s cut loose, He’s free! Why him And not me? Understanding, I don’t claim; Nor any clarity. Where to, from here, Lord? I’m tired, help me. -           R. D. P.

I heard a song a while back. The words are given below. And it got me thinking. We pray for blessings We pray for peace Comfort for family, protection while we sleep We pray for healing, for prosperity We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering All the while, You hear each spoken need Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things 'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops What if Your healing comes through tears What if a thousand sleepless nights   Are what it takes to know You’re near What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise We pray for wisdom Your voice to hear And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love As if every promise from Your Word is not enough All the while, You hear each desperate plea And long that we'd have faith to believe When friends betray us When darkness seems to win We know that pain reminds this heart That this is not, this is not our hom...

So, over the past few months, my life can ideally be termed as “a series of unfortunate events”. My life’s been turned upside down in ways I never even dreamed possible. The only definite understanding I can take away from all this is that life will never be the same again. With regard to one specific event, I know I cannot even begin to understand or feel what MD is going through. I tried to empathise, but every time, my heart tightened up and there was so much pain; a lump in my throat that refused to go away and eyes that hurt from the tears that refused to fall. It was heartbreaking. Needless to say, I’ve had loads of questions. I can’t make sense of the agony. So unnecessary. Why? Hammering over and over in my head – why? Why? Why? All that I’ve read and believed, didn’t really make much sense. I felt completely lost, groping in the dark, trying to find light and meaning. Then several things worked together for my good! Reading Ruth Bell Graham’s Collected Poems for one! Lo...